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If Only


If only I was told the truth
When I was a child
For I was told I had no mother
And that I was no bodys Child
Life for me was so bad
With all the hate and fear
Which the nuns put into my little head

If only my mother had not let me go
When the catholic church took me away
From her arms which held me tight
For they took me away to Christchurch
So many miles away
To an orphanage run by the nuns
And this were
All of my nightmares began.

If only there was a little love in these homes
Because the nuns were so hard and cold
They stripped me of any love
I should have known
And left me feeling so very cold

If only I could talk and tell
Of what the nuns did to me
The unwanted child
As it was all hidden
Behind the bid heavy doors
For no one saw the abuse
Which was done to us
So many times before.

If only there was some one who cared for me
Or looked into my sad eyes
They would have seen the pain I was in
Because no one asked me why I cried
Or took care of the child with in
So she would know some one cared
Because the little chid cried every day
For the pain she was in

If only the church stayed my safe place
A I went to church on Sunday for Mass
I was pulled out of line
To be slapped across my face and ears
And always wondered why no one took
any notice of me or cared.

If only some one took my hand
And held it tight
And told me I was not alone but no one ever cared
Or saw the fear I was in
That showed on my face for all to see.

If only the nuns looked at me
A I bent my head
And turned away in shame
For what the nuns did
And said I was a simpleton
Would tear at my heart
And make me cry
Because to them it was just a game.

If only I was shown some kindness
While in those very cold homes
I was pushed down on my knees by my hair
And told to apoloize to the nun standing there
While with her belt coming down across my back
I did not know the wrong that I had done
But still it went on like this every day
And the nuns would not forget
About the abuse the next day

If only I had died when I was a little child
I would not have to face the nuns today
About the abuse they did to me
As the fear for them is still within
And the pain I feel is so deep
For the Nazareth House nuns were so cruel
It was as though they were possessed
With evil within.


copyright@2001 Ann Thompson

All Rights Reserved
 

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