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How Did I Survive??

I call out because of the pain I am in
it is too great for me to bear
You were so cruel to me
and I do not know
How I survived
the first 24 years of my life

You treated me like a criminal
which showed in the violent
to wards me
as you the little girl did
was cry

Please do not judge me with your words
to be still told now in my gently years
how I have sinned because of telling
of the abuse
which was done to me as a child
in the Roman Catholic orphanages
I am still in torment and pain
because I am torn apart
with your bad words.

They were more holy than righteousness
I don't want to bow my head to them any more
Especial to the Nazareth House nuns/priest
because I still have this fear for them
I need some one to help me
to carry my cross
as it gets heaver for me
from day to day.

I can not cope with my pain
as the thrashings of the nuns belts
came rushing through my head.
They would keep on gaining
more and more strength
as they whipped me
never once did they stop for a breath

The pounding of their belts
across my back
Which bleed and left their marks
on my back
This did not seem to bother them at all
It was as though they ripped my life
and heart right out of me
as the abuse went on
most days and night.


I have feelings too
I hurt so much
I could hear your rosary beads
as you walked along the corridor
outside the classroom.
Your words
were a belt and cord of action
which caused me misery
of extrema pain
of my body, heart and mind.

You told me to hung my heard in shame
while you said those hurtful words to me
I was not allowed to look at you
Is this why you told me
to hung my head in shame?
So you could not see the fear
and the torment I was in
which was written on my face
for all to see
as well as my pain.

You took my childhood away from me
you treated my worse
than you would an animal
You hurt my so much
not only my body
but also my mind
as well as my soul
I had nothing but pain
and hate shown to me
I try to forget it all but it is there
with me still to this day.

You did not know the fear
I had as the night time came
I would know that I would
be called up to line up again.
The cord and the buckled belt
that Sister Blandina used
would cut into my skin
and still she would not stop

The Nazareth House nuns and priest
mentally abused me
with their hands and their tongue
which was like fire.
Such cruel harsh words would flow out
as though they would never stop

Copyright@ 2001 Ann Thompson

All Rights Reserved
 

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